Not to be a Debby Downer, but I have a bone to pick with a number of people on this campus. I know that this school is rife with intellectual individuals who care about the next election, the fate of the environment, the war in Iraq, and the winner of this season’s America’a Next Top Model.

The student body seems to have a healthy appreciation for the important things going on in the world. As a group, we are active in voicing opinions on these subjects, raising money, and doing our part to instigate change. However, this indubitably ambitious group of students has earned my disapproval by one crucial flaw: failure to use the stairs in the high rise dorms, even if they live on the third floor.

Sometimes you have groceries. Sometimes you have an injury of unknown causes from last Thursday. And sometimes you fail financial accounting tests and are just too drained to drag yourself up those two flights of stairs. But when a perfectly healthy, well-rested and chipper individual saunters into that rickety Morrison elevator and hits anything less than five, I want to punch them.

It is the same people that get on the U-Bus and insist upon maintaining a two-foot bubble to preserve some ridiculous notion of personal space. Listen kids, we all need to make it from the Hanes Art Center to the B-School in record time and if we are not packed in like sardines, it ain’t gonna happen. It seems these perpetrators are also responsible for cutting in line at Lenoir, then failing to have their One Cards ready for Esther to swipe. I mean honestly, if you are going to be rude must you also disrupt the well-oiled machine that is Carolina Dining Services? Perhaps the same individuals take up the four person tables at Alpine in order to spread out every over-priced textbook they bought at Student Stores. Are they the same people who stick gum on the doors of the study rooms of Davis Library, steal the bricks from the sidewalk, and open their umbrellas in narrow paths set up by construction?

I think I may be on to something. By this point, I am irate and you are appalled that such inconsiderate beings exist. However, it is my duty to admit that you and I ARE these people. Just yesterday I took up an entire couch in the Union to read for three hours. I know that all of you have taken a little joy out of watching a kid face plant in the pit. We are all occasionally lazy, rude, and malicious college students. I may hate you for pushing two, but you hate me for stealing your dryer.

By Madeleine Clark