Girl 1: I was watching Discovery Health the other day and this woman gave birth to her baby in a tub. It was crazy.

Girl 2: Whoa, how does the baby breathe when it comes out though? It’s under water, right?
Girl 1: Well they’re still atta—
Girl 2: Oh, yeah, duh, babies have gills when they’re born, sorry.
Girl 1: …
Girl 2: Right?
Girl 1: I’m not even going to respond to that.

Environmentalist: Excuse me, do you have a minute for the environment?
Boy: No, sorry, I’m on my way to class and I’m running late.
[Boy proceeds to enter the Union and get in long line at Alpine Bagel Café]

Girl: Did you hear the “Talk Sex with Sue” lady is coming to Memorial Hall?
Boy: She’s so hot.

Girl: Oh my god, I was driving yesterday and the Cluck-U chicken attacked my window.
Girl 2: What? I can’t believe they let chickens just go free on the sidewalk!
Boy: I think she means the dude in the chicken suit.
Girl 2: Oh. Well they still shouldn’t let it wander around like that.

Boy: [to clearly angry girlfriend] Do you want to go home?
Girl: Do you want to shut the f*** up?

Girl 1: I totally just failed that test.
Girl 2: Really? I thought it was kind of easy. I knew every multiple choice except one, and the essay was on the same thing that I’m writing my paper on. I think I got an A.
Girl 1: Seriously? Seriously. Shut up.

Girl: I love cheese. Can you get addicted to cheese? I think I am. Do you think we could find some mozzarella sticks? Ugh, I love melted cheese.

Boy 1: You should have seen this girl last night. She was all over me at PT’s.
Boy 2: Did you get her number?
Boy 1: No, it was weird she said she didn’t have a cell phone, but then I saw her texting someone later.
Boy 2: Weird.

Girl 1: Hey! How are you?
Girl 2: I’m so hung over. And I lost my shoes while I was out last night.

[on the phone]
Boy: No, mom, I didn’t do my paper yet.

By: Erin Locker

Advertisements