A message from Doc Sonya, your resident TV guru.

Dear readers,

Last month, I expressed my concern that television is failing our entertainment demands. I may have outlined a few suggestions to reinvigorate it… with vampires. However, ignorant TV insiders chose to ignore my inspired suggestions. The imbeciles leave me little choice but to break away from the pack.

Thus, do not feel sadness or embarrassment when I tell you that the time has come to break up with some of your favorite shows. I know, I know – you’ve been watching “Grey’s Lobotomy” for five seasons; you can’t stop now!

But addictions are a messy business, and must be dealt with promptly. Sure, Meredith’s whiny narrations were sufferable in the beginning, and Patrick Dempsey’s unkempt hair and puppy dog eyes melted your susceptible heart – but now? Seattle Grace has become Seattle Waste, and the romantic entanglements are about as titillating as a volume of “The Boxcar Children.” Let’s be frank: Some of our favorite TV shows have gone south, and watching TV out of habit rather than enjoyment is unacceptable.

I repeat: Unacceptable.

But before you pull out the break-up chocolate, wait! I’m here to help you through this rough, vulnerable time. I’ll make sure your rebound relationship occurs with healthy, quality shows.

Even better, the advent of November Sweeps is among us! For the uninitiated, November sweeps is a yearly ritual when the “Big 5” networks – CBS, NBC, Fox, ABC, and the CW – ring every bell and whistle available to entice us, the viewers, to tune in. Return of a favorite character? Check. Huge revelation concerning a secret we’ve been itching to know for weeks? Check. Guest stars galore? Check and check.

For every night of the week, I’ll bring you a round-up of which shows deserve the boot and which deserve a first date. We’ll explore all of your options; whether you’re looking for a one-night stand, a temporary rebound, or a long-term commitment, I’ll guide you toward the keepers, the casual daters and the flings.

Stay tuned to find out what hook-ups lie in your future.

-Sonya Chudgar